It seems that the television networks worked really hard this year to have an average of at least one Christmas show or special per night, and beginning in November! Filling all those time slots with quality programming is a challenge for sure and, unfortunately, not a challenge that was always met successfully. Sure there are the old favorites, like Rudolph, the Grinch, Frosty, and Charlie Brown, and those generally hold up to the test of time. But, those few shows don't fill up a month. By the way, do they really have to fill a whole month?
Now, children...and their parents...deserve something worth watching when in the mood for a holiday show. Pulling out every old worn-out show from the networks' vaults just to fill up that month certainly can result in some duds. Case in point: "Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer"! Yes, I always thought the song by that name was pretty funny, as did my grandmas, but the show...let's just say they need to retire this one already! It is lousy! Way too long (no doubt just to fill up a full hour of television) and extraordinarily poorly written and edited, including the bizarre clothes and "endowed" figure of one of the female characters. Which producer forgot the target audience was young children?
The nice surprise this year, and a welcome new addition? "Prep & Landing" - the first television special produced by Walt Disney Animation Studios. It's great! The story, about an elite unit of Elves who help Santa get his job done as only he can, is appropriate for kids, funny, and looks wonderful on the screen. And, 30 minutes long - with no attempt to drag it out longer than the witty story requires. Thanks, ABC!
Thursday, December 23, 2010
Tuesday, July 27, 2010
'Ask a Child Psychologist' Website Celebrating 9 Years Online
My main, other website - AskaChildPsychologist.com - has been online now for 9 years! If you haven't checked out the site yet, that is a forum for parents (plus grandparents, teachers, and anyone really) to privately and securely submit questions directly for me and then receive personalized, secure responses as quickly as within 24 hours. Yes, there's a nominal fee for that service, as there is for any truly professional service. I think everyone understands why there is a fee for such a service. I know many wish it were free, but you do get what you pay for!
It's been a pleasure to provide parenting advice and guidance to the thousands and thousands who have used that service over these 9 years and running. That's especially true for those who clearly would have no other way to directly ask a child psychologist very specific questions about issues that do need addressing. The fact is that in major parts of the country, and the world, there is no easy access to a child psychologist. So, now in retrospect it's no surprise that I receive questions not just from the U.S., Canada, Great Britain, etc., but also from remote parts of many, many other countries around the globe. That includes places that not that long ago I would have doubted had much computer availability and/or even internet access.
So, there it is. Thanks for all of the kind comments about the site - and about this blog, too. By the way, to all the copycat web sites out there: I'm flattered!
It's been a pleasure to provide parenting advice and guidance to the thousands and thousands who have used that service over these 9 years and running. That's especially true for those who clearly would have no other way to directly ask a child psychologist very specific questions about issues that do need addressing. The fact is that in major parts of the country, and the world, there is no easy access to a child psychologist. So, now in retrospect it's no surprise that I receive questions not just from the U.S., Canada, Great Britain, etc., but also from remote parts of many, many other countries around the globe. That includes places that not that long ago I would have doubted had much computer availability and/or even internet access.
So, there it is. Thanks for all of the kind comments about the site - and about this blog, too. By the way, to all the copycat web sites out there: I'm flattered!
Wednesday, June 30, 2010
Children, Custody, and Visitation This Summer
As millions of kids and teens go off to stay with their non-custodial parents for several weeks' visitation this summer, I have some words of advice for those parents: both parents should ideally stay on the same page regarding basic rules and expectations.
That really sounds like stating the obvious, but I know clinically that it can be very difficult, if not almost seemingly impossible, for the "other" parent, the one who feels like he/she barely sees the child, to exercise that kind of control. But, maintaining some simple rules for daily living and existence - well, that's just parenting, regardless of how much or how little you see your children. Sorry, it's just true, no matter how you slice it.
What am I truly talking about? A normal routine. Structure. Limits. Regular bedtimes, regular mealtimes (and healthy food!), the basics about personal hygiene, and firm and consistent expectations for behavior. That's what all kids need, and what arms them with the tools they need to navigate all of the remainder of the year when you may not see them. Otherwise, being the "Disneyland Dad or Mom" is just a disservice to them in the long run!
But, wait, what about the scenario, as for many other children, where the short summer visitation with you, parent B, is the only time they get that routine, structure, and those expectations? That is, when Parent A, the rest of the year, has no such expectations and standards? Well, you do the best you can. You set your own standards, stick with them, and hope it somehow affects the rest of the year at least a little. But, you at least know you're doing your best!
Why write about this topic? Because one way or another this issue is part of the reason I meet many kids, teens, and parents in my office year-round!
That really sounds like stating the obvious, but I know clinically that it can be very difficult, if not almost seemingly impossible, for the "other" parent, the one who feels like he/she barely sees the child, to exercise that kind of control. But, maintaining some simple rules for daily living and existence - well, that's just parenting, regardless of how much or how little you see your children. Sorry, it's just true, no matter how you slice it.
What am I truly talking about? A normal routine. Structure. Limits. Regular bedtimes, regular mealtimes (and healthy food!), the basics about personal hygiene, and firm and consistent expectations for behavior. That's what all kids need, and what arms them with the tools they need to navigate all of the remainder of the year when you may not see them. Otherwise, being the "Disneyland Dad or Mom" is just a disservice to them in the long run!
But, wait, what about the scenario, as for many other children, where the short summer visitation with you, parent B, is the only time they get that routine, structure, and those expectations? That is, when Parent A, the rest of the year, has no such expectations and standards? Well, you do the best you can. You set your own standards, stick with them, and hope it somehow affects the rest of the year at least a little. But, you at least know you're doing your best!
Why write about this topic? Because one way or another this issue is part of the reason I meet many kids, teens, and parents in my office year-round!
Wednesday, May 19, 2010
Parents: Assume Time-Out WILL work!
It seems Time-Out is one of those things every parent has a strong opinion about. One of those things that can be described in any number of ways, so parents really - truth be told - aren't all talking about the same thing when they debate the usefulness of time-out. Kind of like debating which "way" to parent in general - there's just a lot more detail to it than that!
The fact is there are seemingly dozens of ways parents can do, and actually do, time-out. And, honestly, most of what parents describe to me as what they've historically done as time-out is NOT really time-out. So, I can see why it hasn't worked!
What are some of the hallmarks of the whole time-out process that can and do make it work, as opposed to not?
Moreover, assume time-out will work! Most of the parents I've met who say it doesn't work not only fell for some or all of the pitfalls above but also assumed it would never work.
The fact is there are seemingly dozens of ways parents can do, and actually do, time-out. And, honestly, most of what parents describe to me as what they've historically done as time-out is NOT really time-out. So, I can see why it hasn't worked!
What are some of the hallmarks of the whole time-out process that can and do make it work, as opposed to not?
- Take your child to time-out, instead of waiting for them to put themselves in time-out. Would the police wait for you to go to jail when you want, or would they take you to jail and that's that?
- If your child gets out of time-out before the time is up, take them back. Repeat as often as necessary to finish the allotted time. Again, if you broke out of jail, would the police just say "oh, well, I guess he won't stay, so we'll just let him go"?
- Parents should determine how long time-out is and when it is over. How long would you stay in jail if given the absolute choice?
- When time-out is over, your child should be directed back to square one. Either they then comply, or it's back into time-out. Repeat as necessary. Really. For example, if your son goes to time-out for refusing to pick up his toys, then after time-out he's taken back to the toys to pick them up. If not, then - well, you get the picture. Or, if your daughter hits you and goes to time-out for it, after it's finished say "if you hurt anyone again, you go right back to time-out." Stick with it!
- Don't even start time-out if you don't have time to see it through.
- Make the time-out spot as boring as possible. But, remember, a child can make the arm of a chair into a landing strip for a pretend finger airplane, and there's not much you can do about that. You can, however, require they stay in the chair until time is up and that fact alone is not fun for kids.
Moreover, assume time-out will work! Most of the parents I've met who say it doesn't work not only fell for some or all of the pitfalls above but also assumed it would never work.
Monday, April 26, 2010
Parents' BIG Helpers: Major Appliances...So, Build Them Better!
How many parents in the U.S. can imagine life without most or all of the following: a range, microwave, refrigerator, dishwasher, washer and dryer? We simply need some means to cook, refrigerate foods, wash our dishes and clothes, and so on, right? And, those appliances, by serving those purposes, can reduce our stress and make our lives easier and our time more efficient.
But, what about when the appliances themselves consume more of our time and energy than we would ever dream acceptable? The point is that one of many major stressors for parents (yes, I know there are bigger ones, but they're not the subject here!) in the last few years has become the time wasted waiting around for these major appliances to be repaired. Oh, yes, I even know about this personally, as every major appliance I've bought in the last few years has soon after purchase needed some type of repair. Note: this wasn't the case for appliances made in past decades; recent ones just aren't made the same.
Who really has time to sit and wait at home for hours each time a repairman has to come? Never really knowing when they'll arrive. Not being able to leave home and do something else. Not totally sure until the last minute if they will even make it on the scheduled day. Stressful, and ridiculous, for parents who have so much else to do. If it were a relatively uncommon thing, I would not be writing about this. However, when salespeople at stores and the repairmen themselves all consistently comment that major appliances are made like #%@ nowadays, something is terribly wrong.
But, what about when the appliances themselves consume more of our time and energy than we would ever dream acceptable? The point is that one of many major stressors for parents (yes, I know there are bigger ones, but they're not the subject here!) in the last few years has become the time wasted waiting around for these major appliances to be repaired. Oh, yes, I even know about this personally, as every major appliance I've bought in the last few years has soon after purchase needed some type of repair. Note: this wasn't the case for appliances made in past decades; recent ones just aren't made the same.
Who really has time to sit and wait at home for hours each time a repairman has to come? Never really knowing when they'll arrive. Not being able to leave home and do something else. Not totally sure until the last minute if they will even make it on the scheduled day. Stressful, and ridiculous, for parents who have so much else to do. If it were a relatively uncommon thing, I would not be writing about this. However, when salespeople at stores and the repairmen themselves all consistently comment that major appliances are made like #%@ nowadays, something is terribly wrong.
A news flash then for makers of major appliances: make better products that don't consume parents' time and energy and don't break the bank, and you'll have a built-in word of mouth ad campaign among all thankful parents out there!
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
Parenting...O.K.?
What is one relatively small change to make in parenting that can reap big changes, or I should say improvements, in a child's behavior? Two letters: O and K. As in, stop putting "OK?" at the end of every statement or sentence!
Listen closely to yourself, or your spouse or partner, or other parents. How many times do you hear something like these examples?
But, that's not so, is it? There are things we need them to do, and things that must be done sooner than later. Including "OK?" and other questions, instead of clear statements, merely gives a child the idea that they can say "No", or more likely, have behavior that indicates they believe we really don't mean what we're (trying) to say. Ask it as a question, and they are free to say (in words or actions)..."No."
So, a bit of parenting advice that can go a long way, but you really have to practice being direct. There's no time to start like right now, so go to it!
Listen closely to yourself, or your spouse or partner, or other parents. How many times do you hear something like these examples?
- Pick up your toys, OK?
- It's time to start getting ready for bed...OK?
- We need to leave the park and go home now, OK?
But, that's not so, is it? There are things we need them to do, and things that must be done sooner than later. Including "OK?" and other questions, instead of clear statements, merely gives a child the idea that they can say "No", or more likely, have behavior that indicates they believe we really don't mean what we're (trying) to say. Ask it as a question, and they are free to say (in words or actions)..."No."
So, a bit of parenting advice that can go a long way, but you really have to practice being direct. There's no time to start like right now, so go to it!
Saturday, February 20, 2010
What to Call It - Asperger's, or Autistic Disorder?
I have to say I have mixed feelings about the recent proposal by the American Psychiatric Association (APA) to "change" the diagnosis of Asperger's Disorder to Autistic Disorder (Autism Spectrum Disorder). Yes, I understand the rationale of subsuming Asperger's into the existing Autistic Disorder category, at least purely in terms of diagnostic categorization for professionals. However, it's a different story when I think about parents and the average layperson.
What do most, and I mean most, people think of when they hear "Asperger's"? They usually don't know quite what to think! Or, they're too confused to know how to describe it. At least until they hear more about what Asperger's really is and is not. And even with more information most adults I've encountered still need a lot of time to "get" what it is.
Now, what do most people think of when they hear "Autism"? Severe. Rain Man. Barely functioning. But, those perceptions and descriptors really in no way apply to most who have Asperger's. In fact, Asperger's symptoms can be so mild as to be almost imperceptible to the average person. They can also be very noticeable, depending on the situation and setting and individual. But, Asperger's does not usually look at all like how most adults think of Autism.
The point is that I am concerned that way too many parents will hear the diagnosis of "Autistic Disorder" or "Autism Spectrum Disorder" and jump to one of two inaccurate conclusions. For one, many will drop into even more intense denial than is already common because their child is now being called autistic, when their child may "look" nothing like they understand autism to be. And, related to that, many parents whose children would have previously been diagnosed with Asperger's may now proclaim the whole diagnostic process, and outcome, to be bogus and useless because the evaluators are calling their child something that seems in no way true!
I'm so concerned about this because it can already be very difficult to help parents really understand what Asperger's is and, therefore, help them help their children in appropriate ways. And I understand why. But, at least being able to talk about the diagnosis as "not Autism per se" can help make headway and get where we need to be and work together. So, please, APA - take this reality into account before making the change.
What do most, and I mean most, people think of when they hear "Asperger's"? They usually don't know quite what to think! Or, they're too confused to know how to describe it. At least until they hear more about what Asperger's really is and is not. And even with more information most adults I've encountered still need a lot of time to "get" what it is.
Now, what do most people think of when they hear "Autism"? Severe. Rain Man. Barely functioning. But, those perceptions and descriptors really in no way apply to most who have Asperger's. In fact, Asperger's symptoms can be so mild as to be almost imperceptible to the average person. They can also be very noticeable, depending on the situation and setting and individual. But, Asperger's does not usually look at all like how most adults think of Autism.
The point is that I am concerned that way too many parents will hear the diagnosis of "Autistic Disorder" or "Autism Spectrum Disorder" and jump to one of two inaccurate conclusions. For one, many will drop into even more intense denial than is already common because their child is now being called autistic, when their child may "look" nothing like they understand autism to be. And, related to that, many parents whose children would have previously been diagnosed with Asperger's may now proclaim the whole diagnostic process, and outcome, to be bogus and useless because the evaluators are calling their child something that seems in no way true!
I'm so concerned about this because it can already be very difficult to help parents really understand what Asperger's is and, therefore, help them help their children in appropriate ways. And I understand why. But, at least being able to talk about the diagnosis as "not Autism per se" can help make headway and get where we need to be and work together. So, please, APA - take this reality into account before making the change.
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