Parents: Assume Time-Out WILL work!

It seems Time-Out is one of those things every parent has a strong opinion about. One of those things that can be described in any number of ways, so parents really - truth be told - aren't all talking about the same thing when they debate the usefulness of time-out. Kind of like debating which "way" to parent in general - there's just a lot more detail to it than that!

The fact is there are seemingly dozens of ways parents can do, and actually do, time-out. And, honestly, most of what parents describe to me as what they've historically done as time-out is NOT really time-out. So, I can see why it hasn't worked!

What are some of the hallmarks of the whole time-out process that can and do make it work, as opposed to not?

• Take your child to time-out, instead of waiting for them to put themselves in time-out. Would the police wait for you to go to jail when you want, or would they take you to jail and that's that?
• If your child gets out of time-out before the time is up, take them back. Repeat as often as necessary to finish the allotted time. Again, if you broke out of jail, would the police just say "oh, well, I guess he won't stay, so we'll just let him go"?
• Parents should determine how long time-out is and when it is over. How long would you stay in jail if given the absolute choice?
• When time-out is over, your child should be directed back to square one. Either they then comply, or it's back into time-out. Repeat as necessary. Really. For example, if your son goes to time-out for refusing to pick up his toys, then after time-out he's taken back to the toys to pick them up. If not, then - well, you get the picture. Or, if your daughter hits you and goes to time-out for it, after it's finished say "if you hurt anyone again, you go right back to time-out." Stick with it!
• Don't even start time-out if you don't have time to see it through.
• Make the time-out spot as boring as possible. But, remember, a child can make the arm of a chair into a landing strip for a pretend finger airplane, and there's not much you can do about that. You can, however, require they stay in the chair until time is up and that fact alone is not fun for kids.

In addition, don't forget that you're in charge of time-out and they're not. They're in charge of changing their behavior so you can praise that good behavior! It's really the praising of good behavior when it happens that helps further enhance the power of time-out when it's needed, and also decreases undesired behavior over time.

Moreover, assume time-out will work! Most of the parents I've met who say it doesn't work not only fell for some or all of the pitfalls above but also assumed it would never work.