Ask a Child Psychologist

Christmas TV Show Reviews - Reprinted at Reader Request

2010-12-23T15:43:00.003-06:00

It seems that the television networks worked really hard this year to have an average of at least one Christmas show or special per night, and beginning in November! Filling all those time slots with quality programming is a challenge for sure and, unfortunately, not a challenge that was always met successfully. Sure there are the old favorites, like Rudolph, the Grinch, Frosty, and Charlie Brown, and those generally hold up to the test of time. But, those few shows don't fill up a month. By the way, do they really have to fill a whole month?

Now, children...and their parents...deserve something worth watching when in the mood for a holiday show. Pulling out every old worn-out show from the networks' vaults just to fill up that month certainly can result in some duds. Case in point: "Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer"! Yes, I always thought the song by that name was pretty funny, as did my grandmas, but the show...let's just say they need to retire this one already! It is lousy! Way too long (no doubt just to fill up a full hour of television) and extraordinarily poorly written and edited, including the bizarre clothes and "endowed" figure of one of the female characters. Which producer forgot the target audience was young children?

The nice surprise this year, and a welcome new addition? "Prep & Landing" - the first television special produced by Walt Disney Animation Studios. It's great! The story, about an elite unit of Elves who help Santa get his job done as only he can, is appropriate for kids, funny, and looks wonderful on the screen. And, 30 minutes long - with no attempt to drag it out longer than the witty story requires. Thanks, ABC!

'Ask a Child Psychologist' Website Celebrating 9 Years Online

2010-07-27T12:34:00.006-05:00

My main, other website - AskaChildPsychologist.com - has been online now for 9 years! If you haven't checked out the site yet, that is a forum for parents (plus grandparents, teachers, and anyone really) to privately and securely submit questions directly for me and then receive personalized, secure responses as quickly as within 24 hours. Yes, there's a nominal fee for that service, as there is for any truly professional service. I think everyone understands why there is a fee for such a service. I know many wish it were free, but you do get what you pay for!

It's been a pleasure to provide parenting advice and guidance to the thousands and thousands who have used that service over these 9 years and running. That's especially true for those who clearly would have no other way to directly ask a child psychologist very specific questions about issues that do need addressing. The fact is that in major parts of the country, and the world, there is no easy access to a child psychologist. So, now in retrospect it's no surprise that I receive questions not just from the U.S., Canada, Great Britain, etc., but also from remote parts of many, many other countries around the globe. That includes places that not that long ago I would have doubted had much computer availability and/or even internet access.

So, there it is. Thanks for all of the kind comments about the site - and about this blog, too. By the way, to all the copycat web sites out there: I'm flattered!

Children, Custody, and Visitation This Summer

2010-06-30T12:23:00.007-05:00

As millions of kids and teens go off to stay with their non-custodial parents for several weeks' visitation this summer, I have some words of advice for those parents: both parents should ideally stay on the same page regarding basic rules and expectations.

That really sounds like stating the obvious, but I know clinically that it can be very difficult, if not almost seemingly impossible, for the "other" parent, the one who feels like he/she barely sees the child, to exercise that kind of control. But, maintaining some simple rules for daily living and existence - well, that's just parenting, regardless of how much or how little you see your children. Sorry, it's just true, no matter how you slice it.

What am I truly talking about? A normal routine. Structure. Limits. Regular bedtimes, regular mealtimes (and healthy food!), the basics about personal hygiene, and firm and consistent expectations for behavior. That's what all kids need, and what arms them with the tools they need to navigate all of the remainder of the year when you may not see them. Otherwise, being the "Disneyland Dad or Mom" is just a disservice to them in the long run!

But, wait, what about the scenario, as for many other children, where the short summer visitation with you, parent B, is the only time they get that routine, structure, and those expectations? That is, when Parent A, the rest of the year, has no such expectations and standards? Well, you do the best you can. You set your own standards, stick with them, and hope it somehow affects the rest of the year at least a little. But, you at least know you're doing your best!

Why write about this topic? Because one way or another this issue is part of the reason I meet many kids, teens, and parents in my office year-round!

Parents: Assume Time-Out WILL work!

2010-05-19T20:52:00.007-05:00

It seems Time-Out is one of those things every parent has a strong opinion about. One of those things that can be described in any number of ways, so parents really - truth be told - aren't all talking about the same thing when they debate the usefulness of time-out. Kind of like debating which "way" to parent in general - there's just a lot more detail to it than that!

The fact is there are seemingly dozens of ways parents can do, and actually do, time-out. And, honestly, most of what parents describe to me as what they've historically done as time-out is NOT really time-out. So, I can see why it hasn't worked!

What are some of the hallmarks of the whole time-out process that can and do make it work, as opposed to not?

Take your child to time-out, instead of waiting for them to put themselves in time-out. Would the police wait for you to go to jail when you want, or would they take you to jail and that's that?
If your child gets out of time-out before the time is up, take them back. Repeat as often as necessary to finish the allotted time. Again, if you broke out of jail, would the police just say "oh, well, I guess he won't stay, so we'll just let him go"?
Parents should determine how long time-out is and when it is over. How long would you stay in jail if given the absolute choice?
When time-out is over, your child should be directed back to square one. Either they then comply, or it's back into time-out. Repeat as necessary. Really. For example, if your son goes to time-out for refusing to pick up his toys, then after time-out he's taken back to the toys to pick them up. If not, then - well, you get the picture. Or, if your daughter hits you and goes to time-out for it, after it's finished say "if you hurt anyone again, you go right back to time-out." Stick with it!
Don't even start time-out if you don't have time to see it through.
Make the time-out spot as boring as possible. But, remember, a child can make the arm of a chair into a landing strip for a pretend finger airplane, and there's not much you can do about that. You can, however, require they stay in the chair until time is up and that fact alone is not fun for kids.

In addition, don't forget that you're in charge of time-out and they're not. They're in charge of changing their behavior so you can praise that good behavior! It's really the praising of good behavior when it happens that helps further enhance the power of time-out when it's needed, and also decreases undesired behavior over time.

Moreover, assume time-out will work! Most of the parents I've met who say it doesn't work not only fell for some or all of the pitfalls above but also assumed it would never work.

Parents' BIG Helpers: Major Appliances...So, Build Them Better!

2010-04-26T16:38:00.004-05:00

How many parents in the U.S. can imagine life without most or all of the following: a range, microwave, refrigerator, dishwasher, washer and dryer? We simply need some means to cook, refrigerate foods, wash our dishes and clothes, and so on, right? And, those appliances, by serving those purposes, can reduce our stress and make our lives easier and our time more efficient.

But, what about when the appliances themselves consume more of our time and energy than we would ever dream acceptable? The point is that one of many major stressors for parents (yes, I know there are bigger ones, but they're not the subject here!) in the last few years has become the time wasted waiting around for these major appliances to be repaired. Oh, yes, I even know about this personally, as every major appliance I've bought in the last few years has soon after purchase needed some type of repair. Note: this wasn't the case for appliances made in past decades; recent ones just aren't made the same.

Who really has time to sit and wait at home for hours each time a repairman has to come? Never really knowing when they'll arrive. Not being able to leave home and do something else. Not totally sure until the last minute if they will even make it on the scheduled day. Stressful, and ridiculous, for parents who have so much else to do. If it were a relatively uncommon thing, I would not be writing about this. However, when salespeople at stores and the repairmen themselves all consistently comment that major appliances are made like #%@ nowadays, something is terribly wrong.

A news flash then for makers of major appliances: make better products that don't consume parents' time and energy and don't break the bank, and you'll have a built-in word of mouth ad campaign among all thankful parents out there!

Parenting...O.K.?

2010-03-30T12:45:00.007-05:00

What is one relatively small change to make in parenting that can reap big changes, or I should say improvements, in a child's behavior? Two letters: O and K. As in, stop putting "OK?" at the end of every statement or sentence!

Listen closely to yourself, or your spouse or partner, or other parents. How many times do you hear something like these examples?

Pick up your toys, OK?
It's time to start getting ready for bed...OK?
We need to leave the park and go home now, OK?

You get the picture. And, when you throw in other similar "weak" directions, like "Are you ready to brush your teeth now?", or "Can you put your shoes on for me?", then it obviously sounds like children have a choice in their every move.

But, that's not so, is it? There are things we need them to do, and things that must be done sooner than later. Including "OK?" and other questions, instead of clear statements, merely gives a child the idea that they can say "No", or more likely, have behavior that indicates they believe we really don't mean what we're (trying) to say. Ask it as a question, and they are free to say (in words or actions)..."No."

So, a bit of parenting advice that can go a long way, but you really have to practice being direct. There's no time to start like right now, so go to it!

What to Call It - Asperger's, or Autistic Disorder?

2010-02-20T17:50:00.007-06:00

I have to say I have mixed feelings about the recent proposal by the American Psychiatric Association (APA) to "change" the diagnosis of Asperger's Disorder to Autistic Disorder (Autism Spectrum Disorder). Yes, I understand the rationale of subsuming Asperger's into the existing Autistic Disorder category, at least purely in terms of diagnostic categorization for professionals. However, it's a different story when I think about parents and the average layperson.

What do most, and I mean most, people think of when they hear "Asperger's"? They usually don't know quite what to think! Or, they're too confused to know how to describe it. At least until they hear more about what Asperger's really is and is not. And even with more information most adults I've encountered still need a lot of time to "get" what it is.

Now, what do most people think of when they hear "Autism"? Severe. Rain Man. Barely functioning. But, those perceptions and descriptors really in no way apply to most who have Asperger's. In fact, Asperger's symptoms can be so mild as to be almost imperceptible to the average person. They can also be very noticeable, depending on the situation and setting and individual. But, Asperger's does not usually look at all like how most adults think of Autism.

The point is that I am concerned that way too many parents will hear the diagnosis of "Autistic Disorder" or "Autism Spectrum Disorder" and jump to one of two inaccurate conclusions. For one, many will drop into even more intense denial than is already common because their child is now being called autistic, when their child may "look" nothing like they understand autism to be. And, related to that, many parents whose children would have previously been diagnosed with Asperger's may now proclaim the whole diagnostic process, and outcome, to be bogus and useless because the evaluators are calling their child something that seems in no way true!

I'm so concerned about this because it can already be very difficult to help parents really understand what Asperger's is and, therefore, help them help their children in appropriate ways. And I understand why. But, at least being able to talk about the diagnosis as "not Autism per se" can help make headway and get where we need to be and work together. So, please, APA - take this reality into account before making the change.

Tuning Out - TV in the Car?

2010-01-29T11:28:00.006-06:00

About 15 years ago, I saw something on the highway that blew my mind. While driving through Memphis on the interstate, during a heavy rainstorm and at night, a car passed us in which we could see the driver watching a relatively large tv he had balanced on the dash of his car! Not one of those tiny hand-held things, but something you might find in a kitchen at the time. Of course, the size doesn't matter that much - he was watching tv while flying along in a downpour at night!

Since then, we've all seen the growth and widespread use of portable DVD players which parents have noted as a godsend for keeping kids, and as a result parents themselves, happier on long car trips. That I see, and totally agree. When it comes to very long trips, all of us, at any age, can appreciate having something to do to pass the time. And, yes, there are some stretches across the country where there truly isn't much to see. Too much screen time can clearly have negative effects but, as someone recently wrote, there can theoretically be a 75% chance of dying of boredom!

Anyway, recently I've finally realized that there's a new gadget in many new vehicles: satellite television broadcast straight to the kiddos in the back seat. Sure, this could just be another option for viewing and boredom-killing on road trips, but what I'm seeing and hearing more about lately involves many parents using that tv now as a way to appease the kids during even the shortest errand around the neighborhood or town. One article recently in the Washington Post cited a mother who realized they couldn't even drive to school in the morning without watching tv in the car.

Again, I'm far from anti-electronics. But, one reason I'm writing this blog is because I meet more and more kids and teens who can hardly describe what general part of the city they live in, or what's near their house, or how far it is from one thing to another. It's a level of almost disorientation, and for sure a level of disengagement from their basic surroundings. So, honestly, do kids really need to watch tv in order to "survive" driving 10 minutes down the street? Save it for those middle-of-nowhere moments on the cross-country trip! They can just look out the window sometimes!

TV Christmas Shows: One to Retire and One New Keeper

2009-12-30T13:36:00.006-06:00

Sexist Marketing - Yes, You, Easy-Bake Oven

2009-11-28T13:12:00.004-06:00

The Easy-Bake Oven, updated and looking relatively modern, is making a big splash again. Stocked in all the chain stores, displayed prominently...looking like a real contender for the holiday shopping season. I certainly do remember this little oven from when I was a young child in the 1960's, with lots of ads heralding the new wave of cooking with a light bulb. There was a lot of buzz about this thing. And I only remember girls having one!

But, this isn't the 1960's. Hasbro, the maker of the Easy-Bake, obviously knows that. Yet, have they heard of the Food Network, complete with its share of male chefs? Or, all the cooking classes around the country that both boys and girls love to take? Or, the trend for more and more men to stay at home (or be unemployed) and be responsible for cooking for the family?

Still, check out the box the oven comes in. Not one boy anywhere to be found. None. The same is true for the Easy-Bake website. So, come on Hasbro, why the blind eye to all the boys who would love to cook up some tasty treats? All the boys who love their food? All the boys I know who see your ads and talk about wanting your product?

Readers: See any other products you'd like my take on? Email me.

Helping Halloween Be Less Scary for Parents: Saturdays Forever?

2009-10-26T14:24:00.005-05:00

Halloween isn't the same as when I was a child. Back then, it was relatively low-key for most kids. By that, I mean kids maybe had a small party, they trick-or-treated...that was usually about it. Oh, except for the fact that there was also some sort of Halloween party at school - yes, the word 'Halloween' could be mentioned at school not that long ago!

Over the last several years, though, Halloween has altogether become HUGE! I believe it's even referred to now as the second biggest holiday in terms of one metric or another. Lots of parties, often elaborate and long-planned costumes, neighborhood festivities, and so on, not to mention trick-or-treating as long as the endurance lasts. Which translates into, no surprise to parents, not just some fun (hopefully), but also lots of juggling schedules and activities, and stress.

But, wait, Halloween is on a Saturday this year! Yes, a break! At least all the prep and planning, all the juggling activities, the need to, quick, get that treat-or-treating finished before school-night bedtime - all that may be, should be, noticeably easier on a Saturday night! It's all so obvious, then, why can't we just say Halloween will now always be on the last Saturday of October? Seriously.

The Genius of the Baby Blues Comic Strip - Daily Dose of Humor for Parents

2009-10-17T16:13:00.021-05:00

What do I consider to be one of the most brilliant contemporary sources of information and general guidance on child development, child-rearing, and parenting? That so uncannily captures and portrays exactly what happens in many/most of our homes daily? And, that is hilarious to boot? Not anything written by a child psychologist, or a pediatrician, or a well-known theorist or researcher. Nope. It's the Baby Blues comic strip!

Co-created by Rick Kirkman and Jerry Scott, Baby Blues now has an almost 20 year history of keeping parents laughing while also helping us see that it's not just our child who suddenly needs to rush to the potty just as the cashier begins ringing up that huge cartload of groceries (with a long line behind us)! It's actually that "hey, if they're putting it in the strip then I guess it doesn't just happen to us" reaction that I believe makes Baby Blues so endearing and helpful to parents. One of my favorites, cut out and put on the fridge years ago, is a constant reminder that, yes, precisely when you need your kids to hurry, and you say "Let's go! We're late!," they must hear "Everybody move in slow motion!". Maybe maddening, but a great reminder of what normal can look like, all the world over. And, kids love BB, too, as they both a) see themselves in the scenes, and b) see the absurdity in the scenes (even when it's stuff they do themselves). Plus, they love laughing at the parents' reactions. Imagine that!

Recently, Jerry Scott, the primary writer for BB, very kindly agreed to be interviewed for this blog, and I asked him how he seems to so accurately and consistently know what's going on in our homes. His response: The camera is on your bookshelf behind the unused copies of Brazelton and Spock! For those of you who are already fans of the strip, you absolutely understand how easy it is to ponder for a moment that maybe, maybe, there really is a camera hidden on the bookshelf. For those of you who haven't discovered Baby Blues yet, go to the BB website and search the Archive for some kiddo-related topic. That will pull up strips from over the years that somehow include that topic. Some of my favorites come up when searching for "napkins," and "potty humor," and "mess." For those of you who don't have children yet, do that search for "napkins" in their Archive and see, for example, just how a restaurant could need a 900-napkin limit!

The bottom line: For guys with no formal child development or child psychology training, Rick Kirkman and Jerry Scott can simply dead-0n sum up a scene between parents and children like no one I've ever seen and, luckily for all of us, in hilarious terms. As Jerry Scott said, some of the best parenting advice he ever got is to "remember that the days are long, but the years are short." Humor can help all parents when those days are really long, so thanks, guys, for the daily dose, and for all these years.

Oh, and for you parents of teenagers, Jerry Scott and Jim Borgman have created the comic strip Zits. Same uncanny, hit-the-nail-on-the-head accurate portrayal, but here of what life can be like with a teenager.

No, Children, the Swine Flu Vaccine Won't Turn You Into Pigs!

2009-09-30T12:51:00.007-05:00

The swine flu is obviously serious business. Of course, that's why it is all over the news nowadays. And, why daycares and schools send home notes about hand-washing, and covering your cough, and how to otherwise try and control its spread. And, also why many parents spend a lot of time talking/worrying with one another about it.

Which automatically makes me think about how children perceive the whole discussion, and what they may "hear" when the swine flu is mentioned. Now, I know it's likely that perhaps the only children who think pigs when swine are mentioned are those children living on farms or in areas where farming is major business. But, I also know that many news stories include pictures of pigs while discussing the swine flu, and go into an analysis of how cross-contamination with humans occurred. Plus, I've seen reports of entire countries where even the adults were mistakenly convinced that they could catch the swine flu from pork (really, catching the flu from bacon?). So, it's not too hard to see how what I'm about to say is possible.

Many children, and I'm talking mainly about the 6-ish and under ones, could easily believe that the swine flu will turn them into pigs! Why? The primary reason involves how literal and concrete they are in understanding concepts, and how they tend to see the causes of illness in magical terms. I'm reminded of an article in a pediatrics journal in the early '80s entitled "There's a Demon in Your Belly: Children's Understanding of Illness." What, you might say, is "a demon in your belly"? It's an example of how a young child overheard a physician say "there's edema [that is, swelling] in your belly." But, how terrifying would it be to know even your doctor believes you have a demon in your belly! Of course, the only way to know a child might hear something that way is if they admit it, and not all do so until they've endured an inner terror for a while. That's why we all need to think through how we say what we say about this, keep it simple, and assume that younger children may need to discuss what they think the public health message really is.

Still not convinced how the youngest minds can so easily hear a different message than what we adults hear? Take a look at the book "The King Who Rained" (spelling is correct here and through this paragraph!) by Fred Gwynne. Think about it - what is a "horse throat," what are "foot prince in the snow," and what are "bear feet"? The excellent illustrations in this book are the best example I've seen of this entire "perception" thing. If you get your hands on the book, check out the page where daddy has a "mole on his nose." Looks a lot like Fred Gwynne doesn't it? Without googling his name....who was the most famous character that the actor Fred Gwynne portrayed? Seeing this book, he was clearly a much more intelligent man than that character!

Now, wash your hands and cover your cough. But, don't worry about the pigs!

Helicopter Mom, Secretary Mom

2009-09-10T15:11:00.011-05:00

See the 20/20 segment recently on the "helicopter mom"? Oh my.

In a nutshell, this mom, who has a full-time job of her own, tracks, manages, coordinates, and micro-manages all daily activities for her two sons who are college students. What does this include? Making lists and calendars for all assignments, tests, projects, etc.; writing up notes and outlines, with timelines for studying them; phone calls all through the day and evening giving reminders of what to do and when to do it; and, monitoring and summarizing their emails so they don't have to deal with them. Oh, and even better, she routinely drives a couple of hours each way to do their laundry and grocery shop for them!

Now, I see giving your college student help and assistance, or guidance, when it's really needed and appropriate, and in the context of the student doing the work and learning how to organize, plan, and manage his or her own time and tasks. But, in this case, it seems pretty clear that mom does the majority of the work. It's also clear that mom is basically a secretary, and a crutch. Even she, and her sons, stated as much in the segment.

I'm not exactly sure why she or her sons agreed to be part of this 20/20 segment, but the whole spin on the story was that mom thinks it's a brilliant idea. Of course, they may all view it in a different light now that they've seen themselves shining back from the television screen. One of the sons had a not-luvin'-this look on his face, if you look closely.

So, I wish them luck in truly learning to be independent and responsible without someone standing over them 24/7. For their sakes, I also hope that not every prospective employer and girlfriend out there sees the video of this!

See what I'm talking about - watch this clip at: http://ow.ly/oz54 .

Back to School, Part 2: Parents, Next Summer is Only 9 Months Away!

2009-08-25T23:11:00.007-05:00

Warning: This post is not for those parents who each summer long for school to start! Yes, I know, many many parents have had to juggle work schedules and expensive day-camp schedules all summer, breaking the bank on those "camps" just to free up the time to go to work in the first place. And, yes, I know that many many parents have a bad case of cabin fever. Cabin fever that has spawned all those television ads with parents beside themselves with happiness at shopping for school supplies. Ads with parents oh-so-contentedly sipping a cup of coffee after the kids are off to school. Or, literally jumping for joy at the sight of the school bus on the first day of classes.

No, this post is for those parents who relish the generally, often drastically, slower pace of summer vacation (from school). The summer with no crack of dawn wake-up time required, to beat the "you're late" bell. The summer with no "hurry up and [do umpteen things fast]" to beat that bell. The summer with hopefully some down times, with the opportunity to do at least a few things at...a...more...leisurely...pace. The pool, the park, the something.

This post is for the parents who suspiciously watch the back to school ads showing parents showered, dressed, and smilingly making gourmet sandwiches - all at 6 a.m. - with bright sunlight flowing through the windows. That is, it's for the parents who, in most of the country, know full well that it'll be pitch black outside when you're getting ready for school, if not right now then for a large part of the school year later on.

For all those parents, just remember: next summer is only 9 months away!

Back to School, Part 1: Kids, Go to Bed!

2009-08-15T17:11:00.004-05:00

School has already started in some parts of the U.S., and will start everywhere any time now. What's the thing I worry about most for many kids and teens about to start the new learning year? Bedtime. Sleep. Enough sleep.

All summer long I've heard reports like this from all ages: "I stayed up all night last night," "We usually go to bed about 2 -3 a.m.," "I play my X-Box until time for my mom to go to work [in the morning]," and "We went to Target last night at midnight." Well, I wish them luck getting up in the morning once school starts...unless they start getting used to earlier bedtimes, and now.

It can easily take 2 weeks, or more, for anyone to re-acclimate to an earlier bedtime, especially children, so parents plan ahead now! Make sure you know when your kids are actually going to bed and, more importantly, going to sleep. Too many are now staying up longer than their parents, and no one knows for sure when they are getting to sleep. I guarantee it won't be a pretty picture if you wait until the first day of school to discover that Junior has been watching t.v. or playing video games until 4 a.m.!

Don't assume, either, that all is well once the rhythm of the school year starts. I hear similar late-night stories from every age group during the school year, too, not just in summer. And, those stories way too frequently include comments about how some of their teachers [note - I've only heard this from high-schoolers!] don't mind them sleeping in class.

What good actually comes to a 6 year old or 16 year old at school who slept maybe half as much as needed last night?

Who's the Baby?

2009-07-29T13:43:00.004-05:00

My city, Austin, aka "the music capital of the world," has no shortage of live music, especially in the summer. Of course, why there seems to be more live music outdoors when it's 105 degrees is a whole other story. Anyway, at one show outside this month, an "unplugged" and fairly low-key show, two things stood out, both as a parent and a music fan.

For one, who knew how many people chain smoke? Chain smoking like the cigarette factories are about to shut down and never make another one. Moreoever, chain smoking to the point my own children took notice and wondered aloud how anyone could do it. Cough-cough.

For another, who knew how many adults never slow down, shut up, and listen to the music. As in, talking incessantly, and LOUD. But, the double-take of the evening came when one of the loudest non-stop adult talkers said something like "I can't believe people bring their babies to something like this!" like somehow he was being disturbed. If that were true, then I probably would agree with him. But, disturbed by what? Sorry, but the babies we saw next to him at this all-ages show, outdoors and shady, were very happy and very well-behaved. Not chain smoking. And they didn't make a lick of noise!

What Movies for What Ages?

2009-07-20T13:40:00.006-05:00

I went in to the new Harry Potter movie wary of what I'd find. Not about how good the movie would be, but how young the kids would be. You see, not every movie that is targeted to kids turns out to be fine for all ages of children. The movie rating system helps in some ways, but I find it to still be pretty vague. Sometimes parents need to also rely on knowledge of what the movie is about and on word of mouth, and that combination can often help us decide what ages to take to any given movie. But, sometimes...well that movie rating should'nt be ignored.

I can recall precisely when I had my first head-shaking moment of I-can't-believe-they-brought-a-preschooler-to-this. Pulp Fiction in 1994. Pulp Fiction that was rated R because of, and I quote, "strong graphic violence and drug use, pervasive strong language and some sexuality." Those of you who have seen it might even view that warning as relatively tame! A great movie, but a raw movie overall, and not for many (most?) highschoolers, much less a preschooler.

But, yep, back there in 1994, as I sat there watching Pulp Fiction I noticed out of the corner of my eye, way down the row, a 4-5 year old. Head down, playing with something, but right there plopped in front of the mega-screen. Accompanied by an adult, just like the R rating dictated, but still sitting right there able to see and hear everything.

What did I do back then? Being 15 years younger than I am now, not what I should have done. But, what would you do now in a similar situation? Let's see some Comments on this one!

When Electronics Become "Too Much Electronics"

2009-07-16T13:58:00.008-05:00

See the news story this week about the teenager who fell into an open manhole while engrossed in texting? I wasn't surprised. I've been expecting news stories like that to pop up.

Really, I've noticed a glaring trend recently of kids and teens who are totally consumed with phones, texting, and video games in public. To the point of either not knowing what's going on around them, or seemingly having no interest in their environment because of the electronic-of-choice at the moment. So, while falling into a manhole or walking straight into traffic all because of being mesmerized by the "screen" are obvious dangers, two other recent observations show how bizarre and worrisome the trend is even when physical danger isn't necessarily the only factor.

Example #1:
Beginning several months ago, I noticed more and more instances of tweens, or teens, walking along down the sidewalk, side by side, each with their own phones and apparently each texting. Texting someone else, I assume, and not each other?! But, not saying a word to each other or looking at one another at all. So, I guess they could say they were hanging out together but...to do what? Oh, and no they never seem to look up when crossing streets, so there's that danger factor again, anyway.

Example #2:
Recently I was in Southern California, walking along the beachside cliffs of one of the most scenic and photographed places in the world. A place I would think and hope even kids and teens would appreciate and want to soak in. Nope, not everyone.

Suddenly, I hear the following conversation next to us, between a father and his 8-10 year old son:

Son: Have I walked enough now?

Dad: Walk at least a few more feet [implying he'd only walked a few feet already].

Son: [Seconds later] OK, now?

Dad: OK, you can sit down and play your DS a few minutes now.

At that, the boy ran to a park bench, the park bench along a cliff with a heck of a view of the beach and ocean, and pulled out that Nintendo DS like it was food he'd waited days to get to.

Really? The only way he could be cajoled into walking along this stunning stretch of the Pacific coast was to promise a few minutes of screen time for every so many feet he would begrudgingly walk? Come on, dad, leave it in the hotel room or the car! At least both of them had the sense for the boy not to try and keep walking near the cliffs while playing...o.k., there's that danger thing, again.

Unfortunately, I'm sure there will be more posts on this topic in the future. The whole trend seems to be intensifying all the time. Just like I've seen plenty of adults texting and driving recently. There'll be a humdinger post here the first time I see a parent texting with kids in the car! Note to parents: would you really want your teenager texting and driving?